Sunday, May 25, 2008

nostalgia.

feeling bleargh now... and for the sake of it, i've decided to just randomly blog here for nostalgia's sake. haa. oh man. 2 years since i last blogged. was reading through stuff that i've written on small notebooks/scraps of paper/nice diaries /typed in the com randomly since jc and couldn't help but feel a bit emo. =P it's quite interesting, really; to read the stuff that i've written in the past.. with all the feelings of infatuation/confusion/blearghness ( mainly bgr frustrations..haha.) and more amazingly..read poems that i actually came up with during some of the boring breaks in my part time admin job before uni..haha. i think i have lost some of that 'lit influence'..no more literary 'aura' spewing from me anymore. i think i might have been more metaphorical in the past ..haha. now i'm just shallow. haha.

i guess it's kind of ironic. but i still do struggle with bgr stuff..albeit on a different level. yes, you grow out of the 'childishness' and a bit of the foolishness, but now and then subconciously they come back and make attempts to allure you into those feelings of wanting to feel the sensations of 'being loved', of feeling that 'high' when someone does something special, when that someone special just makes everything a bit blurry and dreamlike.

i admit. now and then i do long for that 'someone'. who he is, i don't know. ( at least not now). oh Lord, just pull me out of this pit of sinking sand. the past's simply not someplace i would want to revisit. oh Lord, if it is your will that i should wait, then grant me patience, and a heart that seeks and longs for You, the lover and saviour of my soul.

can you believe it? i'm graduating already. and i'm starting work in exactly a week's time. ah! they do not lie when they say 'time flies'. oh , but i do not regret one bit every minute i spent with VCF. I thank God for placing me there; for helping me grow; for my many many fantastic brothers and sisters in Christ who have strengthened my faith in Him.

but now i am in limbo again. and i think it's in these times that you simply HAVE to think and rethink and evaluate things that have happened in your life and plan where to go next( with His direction and 'permission' of course). and i think i shall do just that in this week i have left before i am thrown into the cruel cruel world of work. haha.

shall work on my QT and prayer. have been seriously lagging and in want of better quality time spent with my Father. Lord, you first; you first.

shall say adieu for now. and i'm hoping that sometime ( again) that perhaps; perhaps i'll pen a song or a poem once again.