random thoughts

realised i've been watching too many romantic/ wedding flicks lately ( oh well..only 2, but too many for a week i reckon ) , been making me hu si luan xiang. 2 similarities in the films about the male leads- they're ultra romantic!! u know, the kind where both the male and female leads engage in a flirty cum intellectual banter, it's sweet. kinda wish there was someone like that for me as well. oh well, what am i thinking? =x haa. similarity no 2. both shows involve the guy being mistaken by the female lead as the groom to someone else. pretty funny. similarity no 3. obviously, the leads get together in the end after dramatic periods of falling in and out of love with one another.

right.

the movies must be getting into me. watched "A lot like love" 2 days ago and a film on cable entitled" I do ( but I don't)" today. think romantic flicks don't do me much good. most of the time they'll just spark off some memory that i've hidden carefully in the corners of my mind and 'unleashes' a whole chain of thoughts and emotions that i don't want to trend on any longer; even the sense of 'hope' isn't really helpful. should stop watching them. haa. but then again, i am a tru blue romantic and i guess " I still believe in true love" ( haa~ another cliche ..from the 2nd movie)

been feeling rather stressed lately. think it's the formulating of the timetable for next year and pre-school jitters. + lots of things on hand ..so many things i wanna do / have to do. i want to meet friends whom i've haven't met since sec school, wanna go on a trip etc. yet so many other commitments. and then there's the nagging about balancing church and school . it's a pre-semester and near-end semester syndrome. may be going a bit bonkers. friends, please do bear with me if i go a bit nuts .haa. nearly dropped usp. sigh. long story. anyway, think i'm gg to give it another go. Have to leave it in His hands.

spiritually low again. not sure what's up with myself. been rather distracted-quiet times aren't as fufilling. need to do some re-evaluation . realized too that i've been so caught up with other things that i've failed to find a direction ; or even a purpose ; a goal i wanna achieve this hols and the next academic year. want to be close to Him again. but first, I must let Him have contol. I know, but it's kinda hard. right now, i feel like my head's stuffed with lots of cotton wool.

feel that at times i lose myself in all that business. wonder if i've ever found myself in the first place. pastor B spoke about pple being more private , esp now in this era. i wonder if i'm one of them =x. there's such a fine line between being too private and having one's own time to find himself/herself i feel. how does one determine if he/she's not using the latter to say as an excuse for not wanting to be more involved in the lives of others? do i do that? is anti-social- ness something i really am or is it just an excuse for being lazy?

lots of thinking and reflecting to do before school and stress kicks in again. till then, i have a report to do, layouts to design, minutes to type and surveys to complete.

hope i find myself and Him soon in the midst of all the business. don't wanna fall into the myraid of depression again. hate the blues.

come sunshine! =)