nostalgia.

feeling bleargh now... and for the sake of it, i've decided to just randomly blog here for nostalgia's sake. haa. oh man. 2 years since i last blogged. was reading through stuff that i've written on small notebooks/scraps of paper/nice diaries /typed in the com randomly since jc and couldn't help but feel a bit emo. =P it's quite interesting, really; to read the stuff that i've written in the past.. with all the feelings of infatuation/confusion/blearghness ( mainly bgr frustrations..haha.) and more amazingly..read poems that i actually came up with during some of the boring breaks in my part time admin job before uni..haha. i think i have lost some of that 'lit influence'..no more literary 'aura' spewing from me anymore. i think i might have been more metaphorical in the past ..haha. now i'm just shallow. haha.

i guess it's kind of ironic. but i still do struggle with bgr stuff..albeit on a different level. yes, you grow out of the 'childishness' and a bit of the foolishness, but now and then subconciously they come back and make attempts to allure you into those feelings of wanting to feel the sensations of 'being loved', of feeling that 'high' when someone does something special, when that someone special just makes everything a bit blurry and dreamlike.

i admit. now and then i do long for that 'someone'. who he is, i don't know. ( at least not now). oh Lord, just pull me out of this pit of sinking sand. the past's simply not someplace i would want to revisit. oh Lord, if it is your will that i should wait, then grant me patience, and a heart that seeks and longs for You, the lover and saviour of my soul.

can you believe it? i'm graduating already. and i'm starting work in exactly a week's time. ah! they do not lie when they say 'time flies'. oh , but i do not regret one bit every minute i spent with VCF. I thank God for placing me there; for helping me grow; for my many many fantastic brothers and sisters in Christ who have strengthened my faith in Him.

but now i am in limbo again. and i think it's in these times that you simply HAVE to think and rethink and evaluate things that have happened in your life and plan where to go next( with His direction and 'permission' of course). and i think i shall do just that in this week i have left before i am thrown into the cruel cruel world of work. haha.

shall work on my QT and prayer. have been seriously lagging and in want of better quality time spent with my Father. Lord, you first; you first.

shall say adieu for now. and i'm hoping that sometime ( again) that perhaps; perhaps i'll pen a song or a poem once again.

bleargh

bleargh
what am i doing on blogspot?
i'm bored
and hungry
and trying to while away time
because i have no money
bleargh

haa...sorrie..just tired of doing research for my final group project that is due this sem... and there's no one around here in smc to whine to ..so oh well..

i miss morning worship!

i miss morning worship!!! = ( sad. work starts so early that i hardly have time to do qt, much less pray and do a 'mini' worship session on my own... = (
sigh.
oh well...shall elaborate more at another time...another day.. it's way past my bedtime and there's work at 8 tomorrow... i need prayer !! pray for me please... =)
for those doing attachment...hang in there!! =)

Everything in it's time

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer
To get through it all
I just fall on my kness and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

Corrinne May- 'Everything in its time'

In your time Lord.

Upcomings...

the exams are FINALLY over! Thank God! =) first time in my entire sjtudent life in nus so far that i've had exams for 2 weeks...bleargh..was bad...will prob never do it again if i can help it .heh. anyways, must really thank God for helping me through my papers..for showering me with the grace that i have been truly underserving of ( esp in my unusally whiny and mopey and panic-stricken self during the pre-pre ( 1 week before papers), pre- ( a day or half an hour before paper) and post ( "trying to find ans in notes to double check" mode) anxiety attacks. Thank God for people like ade, sharon etc... ( + all those who constantly shoved chocs and sweeties to me when i felt stressed. ( hey..i'm a gifts person k? =P haa) and those who really took time out to write me little notes of encouragement despite themselves being bogged down with the same levels of stress.. ( 2nd highest love gift ' words of affirmation! ' haa) . So ...yea..a BIG thank you to YOU ( you pple know who you are) and God for providing me with such friends like u all...you've indeed been a blessing to me. =)

There are so many things to think about even as the hols ( wait..i take that back. =x) start.. ( prob due to the cumulative effects of procrastination ) but hopefully the 2.5 days left of my so- called term break will be fruitful ( in terms of really being still and listening to Him speak and guide). been feeling so dry as a result of the lack of reflection -doing in my tiny notebook which has been exhausted, and honestly, a lack of taking time in reading His word and absorbing and reflecting on what the word has to say . sigh! have been feeding myself with ' snacks' ( aka 5- 15 min of qt and pray daily) . feel so undernourished now. bleargh.

aniways yea. back to the stuff i am having to think about now. 1. how to lead a cg??! what to do?! 2. what if i really messed my attachment up? 3. how am i to balance work, cf and church commitments ?? ARGH. think i prob need lots of prayer , humility and faith.

Out of point but since polling day is tomorrow...decided to put my two cents worth on what i feel about the whole rally that has been going on these past week or 2... 1. Why should citizens be deprived of any upgrading of HDB flats if they have been faitfully paying their taxes just like anyone else simply because they choose the opposition parties? heh. i mean ultimately whoever's being elected is going to be part of the GOVERNMENT of Singapore..and not part of a single party with pple in perpetual white shirts and incessant garlands who dangle '$100 million' carrot in the upgrading scheme for residents. ( it's pure brib.... =x) 2. there's been talk about doing away with means testing for healthcare. ( hey...put msw's out of work to do leh! just kidding.) on a more serious note.. i feel that means testing is pretty crucial in order for social workers to determine objectively if a family is able to afford the medical fees ( and also more concrete and credible since it's in black and white for the clients to see mar) with them proposing to do away with it means that many people may start claiming they need financial aid just becuase they have chose to stay in a B or C class ward. ( believe me..i'm sure there are people who would go great lengths to avoid paying their hospital bills.. ( i'm refering to those who can well afford to =x). but i prob need to find out more about the means testing part before making any judgements...part of the job i guess! =P ( Argh! work starts on mon! =x)

on a more personal note.. really hope that a good governing body is set in place locally. have to place our future leaders in His hands i guess. =)

so many things left unanswered . distractions galore. ( bleargh.) Lord help me to trust in You; in Your unfailing love; in Your timing; in Your will that you have put forth in my life.

boredom.

courtesy of meisi's blog..haa

1 more paper to go...shall press on! =P

shall use psychotherapy on myself.... " disputing of irrational beliefs"..er..right.

sighs. whatever. = (

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Receiving Gifts
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Receiving Gifts:		10
Words of Affirmation:		9
Quality Time:		7
Acts of Service:		4
Physical Touch:		0

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz